The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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