i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
