well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
