it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
