How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
