Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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