it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize