I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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