This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Green mimosas i think yes
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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