It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
