Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize