Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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