now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
