can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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