Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
