They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
