do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
