Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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