She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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