just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
