It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize