College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
be right there i have to get my cape
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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