there's paper in my vomit.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
