hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
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