can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
