Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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