Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
