She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
