I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize