so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize