im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
