Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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