I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I intend to get homeless drunk
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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