If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
