It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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