but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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