STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
