new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
