y did u give ur computer a hand job?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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