Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
