I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
50% drunk capacity currently
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
