just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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