I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
