Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
