just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
