so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
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