On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
