I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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