see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
