I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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