He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He called his prostate his "boner button".
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
