I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
