kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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