I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
