kristin has been a bad kristin
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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