Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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