There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
