I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
