RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
