I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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