He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
