i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
