I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
