Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
