Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
