I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
