Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
