I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
