It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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