were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
