When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
