thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
