dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I met the friendliest cop last night
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
