Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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