There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
