Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Randomize
