On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
