I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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