he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
