things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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