Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
