dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
it was like eating out sand paper
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
