my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
We got so high we made milksteak
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
