I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize