Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
