I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
