we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
