I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
