...so i touched it.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize