I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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