Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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