hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Damn victory sex feels great
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