My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
