i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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