I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
