yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
