it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
