New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
