I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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