oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
