I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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